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Do you think more about the past or the future?

Posted on Sep 5th, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for September 05, 2008:

I dwell upon both the past and the future by turns and in equal measure. Each morbid reflection upon days passed surpasses the present and sends me shrieking into a future forged upon the prospect of yet further futility. Hence my presence on this site: I'm no master of the moment and though I know the great "here and now" is the alpha and the omega of my existence I have yet to inhabit it with any regularity. That said, I try nonetheless. What else is there? 
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Have you ever met someone from Gaia offline?

Posted on Aug 9th, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for August 09, 2008:

I have. She and I met recently after having corresponded here on Gaia for a couple of months as well as conversing over the phone on several occasions. Few folks I've met on-line have been exactly as I imagined them to be upon meeting them in person. But she was exactly as I had envisioned her and then some. It was incredible. We had an amazing time together. I look forward to seeing and being with her again. 
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WHEN IS COMPETITION VALUABLE?

Posted on Jul 3rd, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for July 03, 2008:

Competition is always valuable, which is to say it serves just as vital a purpose as any other form of human expression; it reveals the best in the worst and the worst in the best of us. It bids we travel paths we fear to tread and leads us to places we might never have known had we remained inert.

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WHAT IS THE ROLE OF ART IN THE WORLD?

Posted on Jul 2nd, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for July 01, 2008:

True art is the expression of that which most mere mortals care not to express; it is selfless, doing for us what we dare not do for ourselves, revealing who we are and what we believe in. All else is vanity and avarice masquerading as art in the name of self service. The challenge we face is attempting to discern the difference.
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Tagged with: QaR, art, purpose, life, creativity

WHAT'S YOUR GREATEST DISTRACTION?

Posted on Jun 26th, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 26, 2008:

My Self. Hands down it's the unmatched master of distraction within my domain. No sooner does fear of the present moment arise and it fires off a rapid volley of random thoughts designed to disturb and detract from all that is, in the name of all that never will be. It's a cunning little bugger. Quick thinking and hard to defeat.
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NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE

Posted on Jun 18th, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
 

Yesterday, upon entering the local Taco Bell for lunch, one of the employees was affixing a sign to the front door. "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service". All my life I've seen these signs in random restaurants and fast food joints, but it wasn't until yesterday that the absurdity of the warning occurred to me. Who in hell would ever think to embark upon their day without a shirt and shoes, let alone enter a restaurant in such a state?


A Wall Street Banker? Well, not unless he slipped up and lost his fortune in some misguided maneuver, gone on a roaring bender, ditched the suit and wing tipped shoes in a dumpster and decided to declare himself a wash-up. A stripper? If she'd been recently fired for soliciting herself to the clientele and was hard up for a job, perhaps. I can't imagine she'd attempt to work her wiles on the management at Taco Bell in order to get a job serving double-decker tacos with a smile, but you never know. A provocative thought and one that might see me making a "run to the border" on a regular basis, but highly improbable.


An outright exhibitionist? It's possible. They do need to eat like the rest of us, but given the nature of their work, I suspect they have more titillating targets to aim for than the employees at Taco Bell. No, I've searched my memory for moments I've seen anyone on the street partially clothed, and they've been few and far between and so far as a memory in which I witnessed someone make the attempt, I have none whatsoever. The most probable recipients of such a warning are obviously the homeless and yet the vast majority of them have enough self interest to wrangle a pair of tore up sneakers and a dirty t-shirt to keep themselves protected from the elements.


So who are these people running around without shirts and shoes? Have any of you seen them? I've seen some pretty strange stuff in my day, but never have I seen anyone attempt to break this particular code. A testament to its efficacy, perhaps? I don't think so. Anybody with enough bravado to go around with no shirt or shoes likely has an outright contempt and blatant disregard for social mores and could care less about abiding by them. No, I think it's a direct warning to those of you out there who've been on the brink of breaking the code yourselves and are ready to do something crazy. It's both a provocation and a warning: "You know you want to...but don't even think about it!" Expose yourself and there'll be no tacos for you today my friend.


So if you're thinking about following through on such a plan, think again: You may be starving for attention, or tacos, or both, but if you attempt to walk into a Taco Bell with no shirt and no shoes, you may get some attention, particularly if you're a woman, but you'll surely be tossed out on the street in short order, with an empty belly and nothing left to prove. It happens all the time. Think about it.

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HERE GOES NOTHIN'

Posted on May 29th, 2008 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane

Well, I'd like to kick off my blog here with an entirely new entry, one that's not yet been read by the already scant few who care to consider my meager musings; but such shan't be the case I'm afraid. You see, I've not yet written anything since having permanently relocated to Northern California over a year ago. Which isn't to say I haven't been inspired to write; on the contrary, there's been moments a'plenty wherein I've felt that old familiar urge to commune with my muse and burn the midnight oil for no particular reason other than the simple satisfaction that comes of organizing my thoughts via the written word. It's just that I've lived long enough to know that timing is everything and where my muse is concerned a slow and steady courtship has been in order. That said, I'll stop short, before going any further. To do so would render this an official blog entry as opposed to a mere introduction and that would be a travesty to be certain. I have, however elected to post a select few entries from an old blog that's lingered in terminal obscurity on an anonymous domain;  doing so with the slim hope that I might acquire a modest readership here before I plod any further. All entries that appear beneath this one, though posted in the present, were written in the past. So. Here goes nothin'.

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GATEWAY TO THE MOON

Posted on Apr 30th, 2007 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
The night before last, as I was heading out of St. Louis, I made a left turn on Market St. and came face to face with one of the most incredible images I've ever seen in my life: a harvest moon rising dead center in the middle of the Gateway Arch. I stopped the car dead in it's tracks and jumped out hoping to capture the sight in all it's transcendent glory. This is how it turned out:

St. Louis Moon (Cell Phone Shot)

Great shot, huh? Of course not, you can't see the damned thing! Given the result it's damned near impossible to distinguish the moon from the street lights, let alone The Arch, framing the spectacle. If you can make out The Arch, just think dead center to the left of a sort of redish street light fighting to distinguish itself from all the others. At any rate, I did Googled the net for similar such images, convinced I'd find them in plentitude, however, I only managed to locate one:

St. Louis Moon (Internet Shot)

 

A great photo relative to the crap I snapped on my phone, but one that only but captures a bare fragment of the magnificence I witnessed just two days ago in St. Louis. It was one of those mind blowing moments one experiences but a few times in their lives, made all that much the more so due to the fact I was alone and had nobody to share it with.


Anyhow, it'd be a bit much to expect that the next time I visit St. Louis, if ever there is a "next time", I'll see the same thing, but if I do go there again, there ain't no way in hell I'll do so without a proper camera. But then again, maybe I won't...

To settle for the simple memory of an event without trying to recapture it can be a discipline all unto itself, it certainly has been for yours truly. Personally, I must admit I've suffered this strange tendency to recapture the past as though it held precedence over the present, where nothing could be further from the truth; and the only way to overcome such a tendency, I suppose would be to all the memory of the magical moment, whatever it may be, to exist unto itself, without having to be captured, commodified and bled of all its lifeblood.

In this instance it's the memory of a sultry summer's evening in St. Louis, as I drove the lonely streets in the ever elusive search for something strange and sublime; listening to Jeff Buckley sing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" as a warm bleeze blew it's blessings upon a heavy heart; and the decision arose to turn left on Market...only to be presented with an image that far surpassed anything I could ever have expected.


I could have turned right and missed out on the scene entirely. Sometimes it seems what's left is what's right and what's right, is what's left. An image emblazoned upon the landscape of time. A memory that will remain for years yet to come.


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A DUBIOUS DISTINCTION

Posted on Nov 6th, 2006 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane
 

A little over a week ago, I overheard an interesting story that at the first sounded anything but extraordinary, but upon further consideration struck me as an altogether revealing account of the human tendency to turn fiction into fact and fact into fiction.


According to New York 1, the locally televised twenty-four hour news program, a street in New York was recently named in honor of Thomas Brick, a New York City firefighter who died in the line of duty on December 16th, 2003. The commemoration took place on October 27th, and among those interviewed by New York 1 was Brick's father.


"He was the first firefighter to die in a fire in the line of duty after 9/11." said Tom Brick Sr. with equal parts pride and sentiment.


His declaration struck me as somewhat dubious. The first firefighter to die in a fire in the line of duty after 9/11? As though this were something to take pride in? Taken literally such a claim would seem ludicrous. The first firefighter to die since 9/11 within the New York City Fire Department, perhaps, but within other companies across the nation, let alone across the globe, it'd seem highly unlikely. That the context within which Mr. Brick identified his son relative to the N.Y.F.D. was clearly obvious. That it was said within the context of a brief interview at a commemoration ceremony was equally if not more so obvious. What was not so obvious was why Brick chose to make such a distinction, given a lifetime's worth of memories he might otherwise have called upon.


I quickly dismissed his assertion as that of a proud father honoring his departed son the best he knew how. However, as the news on New York 1 went through its usual hourly rotation, I ended up hearing the same sound bite several times in succession and each time I heard it, I found myself that much the more perplexed by the absurdity of such a distinction. Whether or not he was the first or the last would seem irrelevant in the face of death itself. Finally, after the fourth or fifth time I'd heard Brick's statement, I couldn't take it anymore and turned off the television. However, his words stuck with me and the harder I tried to dismiss them, the harder it became to resist the compulsion to question them.


"Was Thomas Brick really the first N.Y.F.D. firefighter to die since 9/11? Had no N.Y.F.D. firefighters in the two years past died in the line of duty prior to Brick's death? Why was old man Brick so proud to have made such distinction? Would he have done so if his son had been the second firefighter to die since 9/11?"


I envisioned such a scenario, wherein Brick stated as much on public television.


"He was the second firefighter to die in a fire in the line of duty after 9/11."


Somehow, it didn't pack the same emotional punch as his original statement. At any rate, being the confirmed obsessive compulsive I am, I couldn't help but hop on the internet and do a little research. The only way I'd be able to put a stop to the endless inquisition taking place in my head was to dig around for some answers. However, the answers I soon found had the opposite effect, posing yet further questions in search of definitive answers.


According to a press release located on no less than nyc.gov, James O'Shea was the first firefighter to "die in the line of duty since 9/11." Apparently O'Shea'd "suffered a fatal heart attack on September 27, 2003 after returning home from a tour of duty at his firehouse." Yet another article found at firehouse.com reveals an inverse assertion, stating Brick was the second firefighter to die since 9/11.


Alternately, an article from the New York Times states that "He was taken to Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center but soon became the first firefighter to die fighting a blaze since Sept. 11, 2001."


"Which is it?" I wondered. "Was he the first or the second? Does it matter?" Apparently it does, otherwise folks wouldn't be given to make such distinctions in the first place.

Given the obvious inconsistencies, I found myself left but to conclude that something had gone wrong here. If Thomas Brick "was the first firefighter to die in a fire in the line of duty after 9/11", well, more power to him, he'd earned his place in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved him, and the public at large. But if he wasn't, why was James O'Shea overlooked? And why hadn't there been any effort made on the part of the N.Y.F.D. to set the record straight?


Clearly O'Shea had beaten Brick to the grave by a good couple of months. An oversight on the part of the press perhaps? It certainly couldn't have been a blunder on the part of the authorities, what with the press release posted on nyc.gov and all. Unless, of course, it was an intended blunder. There had to be a distinguishing factor somewhere amid the mire of misinformation available and I suspected it had something to do with timing.


Thomas Brick was pronounced dead upon arrival Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, having lost consciousness at the scene of the fire. Though indeterminate by the absence of an exact time of death, Thomas Brick's death undoubtedly took place between his collapse at the scene of the fire and his arrival at the hospital. The moment of James O'Shea's death was clearly established. He died shortly after arriving at the hospital.


Could the timing of their deaths, from the time of their departure from the scene of the fire to the time they were declared dead have been the sole distinguishing factor in the determination of who would be graced with such a distinction, or were there other factors involved? What other distinguishing characteristics might have seen the reversal of such a judgment, if any?


According to the nyc.gov press release O'Shea was a seventeen year veteran of the N.Y.F.D. By contrast Brick had only been a member for two years at the time of his death. O'Shea had "received a unit citation for his heroic actions at a Queens fire in 1995". In addition he'd been "a former winner of the International Fireman of the Year award.", according to firefightinglinks.com Brick had been the recipient of the "Thomas R. Elsasser Memorial Medal" for rescuing two occupants in a five-story multiple dwelling on 187th Street in Manhattan", according to nyc.gov. O'Shea was forty years old, happily married and a father of two sons. Brick was thirty and divorced with two children.


Perhaps it's simply a matter of personality that led to the apparent reversal. Though O'Shea had served much longer than Brick, he had a reputation for being somewhat of a "gentle giant" among his fellow firemen. His term of seventeen years was long and steady. His personal story, outside his life and death as a fireman, was anything but dramatic.


Apparently Brick had little with which to identify outside his life as a fireman. In an article in the New York Daily News, Mayor Michael Bloomberg observed that on his first day of duty, Brick assisted in rescuing six people in a fire in Washington Heights, an act for which he was later awarded a medal of honor. "If that's not hitting the ground running, then I don't know what is", said Bloomberg, "he always wanted people to know he was one of New York's Bravest." Perhaps Brick's pride was ultimately his undoing. What had he to prove in identifying himself as a fireman and to whom was he compelled to prove it?


It seems it's not so much life we celebrate here in America as it is death. A life characterized by modesty and humility, reaps little reward, but a death fueled on the drive for success that so characterizes this nation most certainly does. The felt need to distinguish ourselves from the masses often leads us to seek distinction where we otherwise might believe ourselves to be commonplace and average. Perhaps this is where Thomas Brick Sr. re-enters the picture.


What motivated him to distinguish his son's death against all evidence to the contrary? Did he feel as though his son's passing might otherwise have gone unrecognized? That the City elected to name one of it's streets after his son leads one to believe the answer would be a resounding "no". Did he feel as though his own personal stake in the matter necessitated taking such liberty with the truth? Certainly he was aware of the death of James O'Shea and the announcement via the nyc.gov press release that he was the "first firefighter to die in the line of duty since 9/11". Perhaps swept away by the current of nostalgia present at the commemoration, fact had become fiction for old man Brick and fiction, fact.


Beyond all fact in the matter, did he feel the folks his son died serving might otherwise conclude Thomas Brick Jr. died in vain? Perhaps. Apparently an alarm installed in Brick's helmet that otherwise might have alerted his fellow firefighters of his collapse had failed. Given the prospect his son might have been saved it's entirely plausible that Thomas Brick, Sr. might suffer the pangs of such a regret. Worse perhaps than the revelation of his son's death would be the realization that it might have been averted had it not been for the failure of his equipment. Did he feel motivated by guilt, perhaps even responsibility for his son's demise that could only but be assuaged by taking liberty with the truth? Would he rather his son died in 9/11, than in a relatively pedestrian event such as a warehouse fire? Suppose 9/11 had never happened. What then would he have to call upon in order to distinguish his deceased son?


It's strange the significance we place upon events that might otherwise force us to face the apparently meaningless nature of the events that give rise to them. It seems our very lives are constructed of efforts to evade the terror posed by such perceived meaninglessness. A lifetime's worth of hope and faith can be dashed in a day and where otherwise the death of a dream might seem entirely without reason, we feel compelled to assign meaning where none might otherwise exist.

I
n the final analysis whether or not Thomas Brick was truly "the first firefighter to die in a fire in the line of duty after 9/11" is of little consequence. Were that the case, I'm sure James O'Shea's family would have stepped forward to correct the error made in the public record. However, given O'Shea's nature, I suspect his family has accepted there's more to life than dubious distinctions and medals of honor. There's the memory of James himself. James the father playing with his kids in a moment of leisure at home; James the husband taking a late night stroll on a sultry summer's evening with his wife; James the son, stopping by to see his folks on a sunny Sunday afternoon. In the end it's these things that stand out as worthy of distinction. All else is mere window dressing.


And if it makes Thomas Brick, Sr. feel that much the better to remember his son as a man of distinction, then perhaps Thomas Brick, Jr. died not in vain after all. Thus considered, fact does indeed become fiction as effortlessly as fiction becomes fact; what saves us enslaves us where enslavement saves the free; and what we believe becomes far less important than why we believe in it.

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Tagged with: SOCIETY

A CONCEPTUAL CONUNDRUM

Posted on Oct 30th, 2006 by Shane : Just a regular guy travelling time. Shane

Okay, so here's a bit of a conceptual conundrum that's been kicking around in my head with an increasing frequency as of late:


If the "Big Bang" theory is correct in that the universe was created with a singular explosion in which it continues to expand at an ever increasing rate of velocity, is it possible that it will one day begin to slow down and eventually reach a standstill such that it begins to decelerate and return to the state in which it existed prior to it's creation?


The "Big Crunch" theory would certainly support such a possibility. The theory behind the "Big Crunch" is that the expansion of the universe will one day reach a point of terminal velocity such that it can only but remain at the same rate of acceleration before eventually slowing to a complete standstill and consequently implode upon itself.


And supposing the two of these theories are compatible, is it possible then that the universe was conceived of several billion years into the future and that it's creation billions of years in the past was merely the inverse side of its own conception? In terms of life itself, is it possible we were born in the future and will perish in the past?


If such were the case it'd present a plausible explanation for the phenomena of deja vu, beyond the pedestrian psychological and para-psychological theoretical postulates available. The older I get, the more frequently I'm hit with the sense that I've already lived this life and that I'm merely experiencing it as though it were happening for the first time.


A more pragmatic approach to such a phenomenological postulate would be that I'm on the verge of what may well be a schizophrenic breakdown a good many years in the making. Perhaps my frenetically charged mind has expanded such that it has reached a kind of terminal velocity of its own and is now in the process of decelerating toward an inevitable implosion of pathetically unprofound proportions. It's quite possible. I do come from a long line of finely tuned mental defectives, a legacy I bear with equal parts pride and scorn. However, I digress. The line between mysticism and madness is fine indeed and those of you who take the pains of reading these scatological ramblings can provide far better testimony than I whether its a case of the former or the latter.


At any rate, I just thought I'd throw a little something out there for the consideration of those of you given to contemplating such caustic conundrums


Vox clamantis in deserto...

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Tagged with: CONCEPTS CONUNDRUMS
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